he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
