Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
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