Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
