Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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