Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
my liver is dry heaving
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
