Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Randomize
