whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
