i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
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