I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
