but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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