he thought i was a dude.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
