mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
