Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
