Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
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