So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
