he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
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