By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
