I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
why do cheetos always look like penises
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Randomize
