Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
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I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
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After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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