I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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