At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
