1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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