she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
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