Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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