did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
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