xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
