she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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