people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
