Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
