You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
