this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
