when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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