I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
