i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
