so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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