So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
