I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
