Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
