yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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