I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
