Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
What happened to fro yo and sex?
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
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