it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
