My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Just pee around me
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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