i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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