And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
