woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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