It's Friday. Sex?
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
