I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize