We're like a lot better than the average bears
its not stalking. its research.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
