i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
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