yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
