You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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