I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
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You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
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Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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