God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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