oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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