either way he was missing a nipple.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
there is glitter all over my balls
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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