It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
