Im at strip club and am horny
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
