remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Randomize
