forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
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