whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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