In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
