Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Randomize
