Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
