sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I can't turn off my feet"
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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