there's paper in my vomit.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Randomize
