My underwear smells like fireworks.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
