Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
