hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
