Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
