pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Randomize
