Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
